The Walls.

Lately I've been seeing, first and fore mostly in myself, that we build up these walls to keep God out. Our flesh is very cunning. We rarely question anything we hear. We assume and agree with what ever we are taught, with little adhering to God's word or to even pray for Him to give us wisdom and discernment.And most of us, well, we say we are on fire for God, yet often we try to sanctify our life around our comfort instead of radically reorienting our lives for Jesus. Denying everything for those in need and sharing Jesus.
"The problem is much of what we believe is often based more on comfort or our culture's traditions than on the Bible."
There should really be no difference in passion for Jesus and saving souls in a missionary being martyred in some remote village than a mundane man working 8 hours a day 5 days a week and a house wife taking care of the kids. Both should be equally grieved that souls are dieing and going to hell and on fire for the Gospel.  And both should be daily seeking God and trying to decipher His will. 
Yet, this it the part where we become practical atheists. We have these plans set: go to school, get degree, get married, have family. While this maybe His will for some, it isn't for everyone. God will be glorified by everyone differently. But we close God out by our comfort and culture. We choose not to seek God but play religion. Perhaps God wants you to quit school and work full time.
God's will for you today, may not be His will for you tomorrow.
Seek in everything to please God and challenge all you hear to what His word says.

Wolves.

Such beautiful creatures! I find it fascinating that every creature has such a specific role in nature and dramatically effects it. The more species we have, the better. Yet, we are so good at causing them to die and this directly impacts us. Think about all the food and medicine we get from it? Not to mention it is a natural filter for water and the air we pollute as well as decomposes our waste and decaying flesh.. gross but great.
Wolves besides being majestic, are keystone creatures. which means, for the amount of them, they serve as a huge part of the community they live in. Wolves kill off old or sick elk keeping only the good genes going in elk as well as making room for more resources for more healthy elk. If there are too many elk, they will eat the grass down to the dirt. With out wolves, elk will eat in the open along streams, eating the plants that keep the water banks from eroding.


So why do we not help wolves reestablish, (since we killed them off, like most things through habitat loss and deliberate extermination)? Because we fear attacks and them killing life stock. I agreed with this for awhile, until I looked up some statistics for myself.

The facts:
Live stock are 5x more likely to be stolen then to be attacked by a wolf
Domestic dogs kill more than 5x as many cattle as wolves
How about deaths?
in the 20th century(100 years for those who think we are in the 20th, it's really the 21st :)  ) there have been twenty to thirty attacks in North America, and only three were fatal because of rabies.  This may sound like a lot, but domestic dogs kill 16-18 people a year.

Crazy huh? Lets  be good stewards of the earth. Yeah it will end, but lets marvel at God's creation and not misuse the abundant resources it gives us.
http://wyoming.sierraclub.org/WOLVES%20AND%20LIVESTOCK.pdf
http://www.yellowstoneinsider.com/issues/wolves/wolf-attacks-on-people.php

What a Love.

Oh in utter darkness hear heavens cries
As the true mighty God slowly dies
An innocent man, our perfect creator
Scorned and mocked as though a traitor.
Oh see the nails driven deep into each hand
Suffering so immense, who could stand?
Wrath against us meant to last forever
The son of GOD took in one endeavor
Oh the love between the father and son
So profound and close they are one.
But in the dark the Father turns away
A severing so deep it breaks the light of day
Hear the agony of Jesus scream,
“my God why have you forsaken me?”

Psalm 19, My prayer

Once again, God has been overwhelming to me in His mercy. It is so crazy to me how we can fall into a sin and not even see it as a sin. Yet in those times, we know God feels far away so we continue to seek Him. In His mercy that we don't deserve, He looks to those who are seeking and gently shows them the error of their ways. I feel like I've been so blind, how could I not have seen this as an area that needed to be changed? Clearly when I'm seeking my pleasure I can't be seeing and tasting that God is good!
This passage of His Word has been so encouraging to me. My brothers and sisters, may you all also be awestruck by God and be overwhelmed by such a satisfying God. 
 ¹ The heavens declare the glory of God;
   the skies proclaim the work of his hands.
² Day after day they pour forth speech;
   night after night they reveal knowledge.
³ They have no speech, they use no words;
   no sound is heard from them.
⁴ Yet their voice^[b] goes out into all the earth,
   their words to the ends of the world.
In the heavens God has pitched a tent for the sun.
 ⁵ It is like a bridegroom coming out of his chamber,
   like a champion rejoicing to run his course.
⁶ It rises at one end of the heavens
   and makes its circuit to the other;
   nothing is deprived of its warmth.
 ⁷ The law of the LORD is perfect,
   refreshing the soul.
The statutes of the LORD are trustworthy,
   making wise the simple.
⁸ The precepts of the LORD are right,
   giving joy to the heart.
The commands of the LORD are radiant,
   giving light to the eyes.
⁹ The fear of the LORD is pure,
   enduring forever.
The decrees of the LORD are firm,
   and all of them are righteous.
 ¹⁰ They are more precious than gold,
   than much pure gold;
they are sweeter than honey,
   than honey from the honeycomb.
¹¹ By them your servant is warned;
   in keeping them there is great reward.
¹² But who can discern their own errors?
   Forgive my hidden faults.
¹³ Keep your servant also from willful sins;
   may they not rule over me.
Then I will be blameless,
   innocent of great transgression.
 ¹⁴ May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart
   be pleasing in your sight,
   LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer.

WHY?

After about an hour of chemistry lecture today, I became less and less aware of everything going on around me. A day dream of thinking begain to slip in... the room became quiet.. and I started to question life.
This happens time and time but today was very different. Today my thoughts were a cold and harsh slap in the face. Why am I here? What was I doing? Why was I going to school? So I can get a job? For what? I mean I need to be able to work and be able to live here on earth yet,
 I can't be content any more just going through life. All of those things I loved and wanted in a "christianized" future of comfort, family, friends, sharing Jesus here and there, and that white picket  fence and a side ministry suddenly became a lot less appealing. I mean those things aren't bad, but they are so comfortable! How limited is my loving of Jesus in those places when I still desire them for myself?
I realize those things can be done in a way that you can love Jesus and give yourself for those around you, but I wanna live in such a way that I am uncomfortable.. I wanna give everything to love Jesus with all my heart, mind and would. It's so easy to live life here, christianize this activity, don't say that, read my bible, pray and share the Good news with people I meet in class... But I want to give so much more! I can't slip back into this "easy" way of doing things.. I want my life to be used to the best of it's ability for Jesus. So maybe I can't go be a missionary or start a church, but I can give money to support those who can! Or really give all of me day to day to serve those around me and look for every possible opportunity to share Jesus.. to really DIE daily.. that His glory may spread... I guess what I'm saying.. Is something I've always known, but I'm done living for me and ready to live with Heaven as my home.

Knowlege from a wise man...

"Don't live and learn,

Rather learn and live."

and

"Contentment

 IS

learned!"

-Sadly, I can't remember if this was Paul Washer or Rick Holland but they were stickey notes on my desk and thought I'd share :)

Nature Vs. Nurture.

Lately my mind and heart have been longing to be in Italy..
Maybe this desire comes from me being Italian.
Yet, it is quite silly since I've only recently discovered that.. and I wasn't raised by an Italian... 
But its got me thinking, why have I always loved italian food? Always wanted to go on a gondola ride? Been facinated with Italian archtecture? Loved the language? Adored the rich culture and history??
maybe I'm just crazy, well more crazy then the normal, but isn't it a beautiful place???

Perhaps this desire and my desire to plant churches where there aren't many and my love for Jesus means.. well maybe I'm getting a little ahead of myself!

At the end..

What you have isn't real unless it has been tested.
If it hasn't been tested, then you only can assume it is what it is.
But when all of the facades stop-
When it gets hard, difficult and easier just to quite..
what is real will be what is left.
All of what is false will be consumed.
So don't be surprised when people turn out to be someone different, when life gets hard, when days get long, and you aren't exactly who you thought you were.
For in the end of it all, reality is what will be left.





 And to live in reality, that is where true LIFE is found..

John chapter 1

 God revealed something to me today in my reading of His word..
I've read this passage many times but today it ment so much more.

" John replied in the words of Isaiah the prophet, “I am the voice of one calling in the wilderness, ‘Make straight the way for the Lord.’”

Maybe it's just because lately I have been seeing how my only purposes here on earth is to share the love of Jesus, that I found this passage so meaningful. We are in the wilderness. Daily we are tempted by sin, but we must be the ones to stand firm with the Spirit in us and to not get tangled once again in it's lies. To stop going to school or work to make our kingdoms on earth, but to go to increase those who will be in the kingdom of eternity.  Yeah, we will look crazy.. like John did (I mean eating locus and what not) but the Lord is returning.... Let us make straight the way.. teaching others with passion remembering the day we first saw that amazing grace. Let us never make the gospel dull news or let the fear of being considered a fool keep us from the honor of sharing.. for one IS returning  that we are not fit to His sandals..

My applogies ma'am..

I have decided to resurrect my blog...
Life has been extremely busy and my blog was the first thing to go..
however, I wanna dedicate just a simple 15 min at least once a week to share what I've been learning.

So to all of you who still follow my blog, 
I hope what you read will be of some encouragement!
As God has said, iron sharpens iron. 

Brick wall

             Again, I've come to sadly realise how often and foolishly we pretend like we don't fully need Christ's sacrifice.. I know we don't say it, but we live it. We forget our devotions here and there, or when we do them, we make them "religious". We don't always come and empty ourselves before the Cross and understand-we have nothing. We don't let our emptiness and thankfulness for what Christ has done push us to obedience but we try to coldly obey.

             Like a brick wall our sin is there. Blocking us from the enjoyment of learning to KNOW God more.

We run, and no matter how hard or how fast, we will always hit the wall,fall back, hurt ourselves, and in the end, the wall will still be there. It is only when we run to Christ that He can break the wall and make it into a pile of ruble.

I was listening to the radio this morning and I heard this song:

I've heard it before, didn't like it that much..

But this morning it really spoke to me. Possibly because lately I've had "sleepless nights" in my trials and haven't been trusting as I ought.
Because of this, I thought, why not remind my self, and you as well, of the promises of GOD! So lets list, with passages, as many promises of God as we can... ( I'm thinking the comments will go on for quite a while, but that is perfect :) )

"If it isn't broke, don't fix it"

The problem is,
we are extremely broken.
How broken?
so broken, we can harldy begin to understand.
And when God does show us just the slightest insight on how broken we are,
we fall flat on our face, broken.
But this new brokenness, IS the best brokenness. Because only broken before and by God can we really be fixed...
when we see no hope in self, and see our only hope in Christ.
when we are disgusted with self, and wanna live only for Him.
But the problem occurs for me, is when I fail to see my brokenness....
I say I am broken, but do I always believe it? Do I always LIVE it?
Oh God,  I need You! Break me to Fix me.

I'll be Honest..

I'm sorry.
My blog has become so selfish.
It has become about me. me. me.
That is why I stopped posting for so long..
soo I'll be Honest..
I'm no longer blind, God gave me sight,
But I have bad vision,
 and can't seem to find my glasses...

hmmmmm

I've noticed alot of people complaining, more so than usual, about the rain.
I guess this is the time when people get really sick of it.
However-
God made it. Therefore it is good :)
Even better, its BEAUTIFUL
The sound it makes... like a lullaby..
The freshness..
The crisp smell..
the droplets that collect and reflect on all sorts of objects..

I don't see why people cancel all these things because of the rain..
let us get caught in a down poor as we take a walk, jump in puddles, dance, hike and have picnics
Let us learn to love the rain!

Alsan..

Abby and I had a wonderful paint day together!
We both decided to paint Aslan.. mine after I had already painted most of the picture decided to toss Him in.. While Abby, much wiser at painting and much better decided before the paint ever touched the paper!
It was great to watch an amazing artist at work! Learned a few new tricks! Thanks Abby!
Here is the fruit of my labor.. its not done.. but i couldn't resist!

So my Aslan.. I think I'll take Abby's advice... The only way to learn is to do it over and over again...I'm amazed that he ended up looking like a lion.. I've never painted one before.. but it looks like his tail got stuck in an electric socket... I'll try and remember to tone down the top of the mane next time.. :)

Rustic?

I must say, it has been awhile...
but this painting thing has stirred in me this artistic side.. I have decided I am an artist, a bad one-maybe. But non the less I declare it.
After watching Narnia, I felt a need to express some artistic passion for my Jesus. It has been awhile as I have said, so do forgive me, but I wanted to share the poem I wrote. A poem is a thought right? You can decide.. Complex, or Simple?

Lord of immense power and might
Into our dark hearts, You cast a Holy light,
Our acts of treachery, cannot be hidden from Your view

Trembling with fear we fall broken before You.

As we await Your righteous wrath,

In grace you reveal another path,

The Holy Lamb came down to Earth,
A miracle of love, a virgin birth

Down to the Earth which you Created,
Came a Savior, long awaited.

But to the one who deserved more than praise
We denied you, and cared not about your ways

On that day, so dark and grim
I hear my voice cry “crusifiy Him”

For on that cross, my sins were laid
Upon the Holy lamb, my debt was paid

The agonies brought death upon that cross
But by the Holy Spirit, Not all was loss

You rose again on the third day
To bind me to you in an unchanging way
By the death of your only Son,
My love, you have surely Won.
Though I walk through the wicked sea
Your righteousness like armor is about me
And inside, your spirit strong
Will keep me going all my life long

Now I await the day of Your return

But not for my works, for what could I earn?
No I eagerly await so I may see,
The one who would save, a sinner like me.

SPRING BREAK!!

Is here...

I don't wanna waste this break.. So I've premaid plans ( 4 day with my beloved grandparents, work and a conference!!!) and all the other time.. I've made a list of things I can do...

1) I got some books from the library... one is a biography of  dear C.S Lewis

2) I have one more of the Narnia books to read :)

3)Bake!!!

4) Decorate my soon to be room

5) WATER COLOR!!!!!!!

as you can see, this blog will soon be overfilled with pictures and wonderful thoughts of Mr. Lewis!!!

Here is the out put of todays adventures...

I love when...

I catch people picking their nose in the car next to me.. Its disgusting but very intriguing..
They act like no one can see them behind their glass widows..
It makes me think of how we act.
We act like sometimes God can't see the "little" sins we do and we attempt to hide behind our glass windows.. But God can still see and it is disgusting..

Simple....But it was taking up space as a sticky note on my computer..

After reading this week in Lit all of these stories about people in their last moments before they die,it has tossed a sudden reality check at me. It is one thing to say you are living each moment for the right reasons and that you are living with a passion for God , but imagine that in the next minute you will die.....
Looking back on your life, on your day even, will you be satisfied in what you bring before God?
I don't want to lay dieing and look back on my life, before I see God face to face and wish I had lived with more passion, shared the Gospel with that person, or loved more sincerely. I don't wanna be wishing for a redo.. because its too late.

Welcome Welcome!

Here begins the beginning of a new adventure.

A new blog, a fresh start.

During the day, some days more than others, as I meditated on God's Truths, by God's Grace, my mind fathoms analogies and deeper understandings. In this blog I desire to post all thoughts, both big and small. Please be patent with me, I know I am  not a writer, nor will I pretend to be. I can not spell, i have terrible grammar and most of the time i have great difficulty expressing my thoughts into comprehensible messages. However, I wish to hopefully take your mind upon the trails that God has taken my mind to. As I seek Him, let me share with you some of the blessings of trials and blessings of hearing Him with you. Be patient as I desire- to encourage and to be encouraged.